A Word for Grieving Parent.

Language is the way we human communicate with each other and consists of the use of words in a structured way, and often unique to a particular country or community.  The Oxford English dictionary has about 220,000 words. In the Oxford 'Shorter' Dictionary there are 163,000 different words, The Oxford Reference dictionary has 115,000 different words (200,000 meanings) and The Oxford English mini-dictionary has 40,000 different words (50,000 meanings). So there are thousands of different words, some nouns, some verbs and some adverbs and adjectives.  

So what does this all have to do with a grieving parent?   Well you might ask!

I recently came across an article where a bereaved parent who wished there was a term like orphan, widow or widower to describe her status. She further stated that while the death of a child is too awful to contemplate it happens every day to countless parents who are get no comfort from the denial of their loss. With suicide at epidemic proportions and stigma still attached to the deceased and the family isn't it time our language caught up.

I decided to do a Google search and came across a sight called English Language and its Usage where a discussion where the following suggestions were given by those engaged in the conversation: 

•  "Bereaved Parent"
•  "Shadow" - has the familiar "dow" at the end and bereaved parents live their lives forever in the shadow of our departed children, regardless of the age at which they died. 
•  "tethlimmenos" is bereaved (-menos is the ending for 'being in the state of ') and parents are 'goneis'. therefore bereaved parents could call themselves tethligons.  I feel this is way too complicated and you would have to spend a lot of time explaining it to someone. 
• 'griever'
•  'Vilomah' which means 'against a natural order' . As our children should not proceed us in death. I like the concept but feel it is a completely unrecognisable English word. 
• "Bereft" - deprived or lacking , especially through someone's death or departure. 

This may well be a semantic gap - a concept where there is no word in the English, or any other language for that matter, to reflect the status of the surviving parents in the same way that widow or orphan does.

While I had never really thought about a designated name for the  those of us who have lost a child, I know the term 'Suicide Survivor' has been referenced as a term to refer to those who have had some close to them suicide.  This has also raised the hackles of some people, especially those people who have attempted suicide and survived. 

Sometimes, despite good intentions and best efforts, language can be a barrier to positive communication and good understanding.  I love to know what your thoughts are on the this issue.  Please leave a comment below.

 

 

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